Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
