Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
