talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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