I wannas sexs uuuuu
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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