If i come over, it means nothing
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
