Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
