Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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