Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
