I feel like I'm in dance class right now
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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