He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
