I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
