we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
