Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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