Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
