A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
