mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
