did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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