you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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