Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
