I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
