My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
