so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
