just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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