if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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