i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
