she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
