just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm getting married
To pizza
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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