The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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