Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
