I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
