I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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