i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
