Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
