wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
A+ Viking dick
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
