Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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