she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
