So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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