We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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