every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
