So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
