Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
