Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
