So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
