My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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