just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
