then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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