Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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