Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I think my fart just growled at me.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
