I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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