conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
And then he peed in my hair
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