ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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