Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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