Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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