I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
