nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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