he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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