I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
