So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
