she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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