hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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