I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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