someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
