I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
