Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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