Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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