Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
