If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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