Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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