Tell her she can't have a vagina
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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