handjob tips. give me some.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
