probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm experimenting with sincerity