New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.