Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
