I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!