dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
