She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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