I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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