"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
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