We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
