oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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