The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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