I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
