So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize