I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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