I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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